Monday, May 25, 2015

Math and Me

Something you should know before you continue reading the rest of this post:  I hate math.  I hate it to a degree that were my hatred a fire, it would burn bright and mighty.  It would burn all things math.  I hate it to a degree that I can't even find words strong enough to describe my hatred, but you probably already knew that if you read my About Me section.  :)

Today, when I received my test on linear equations, I was so nervous.  Our teacher told us that because so many of us failed, we'll have to have a re-test.  Of course, that made me even more nervous.  I was so confident that this would be my best test mark yet when I wrote it a few weeks ago.  Really.  I checked all my answers.  Double and triple checked.  I checked, and verified.  And checked and verified again, and again, and again.  I finished early, which is why I got to check my work so many times, in case you were wondering.  I was really starting to like this chapter.  And I never say that to anything math related.

So, after a very long talk about how we should study more, and a good fifteen minutes spent reviewing, she decided to give back our tests.  It's about time...

Yeah, you said it.

Finally, the moment of truth: my test was handed back to me. 

At first glance, I saw that I got the first question wrong, and I cried.  Inside of course.  Because naturally, if I get the first question wrong, I'm bound to make more mistakes later.  If I got that first question the easiest question wrong, I have no hope of getting anything right.  I have failed (Yes, I have a very dramatic mind). I was too confident, and now, look what happened: I have disappointed myself. 

I remember reading this book where this guy always set low expectations for himself, so as not to not to disappoint himself if he was wrong.  And if something unexpected happened, the worst that can happen is already what he expected, so that should come as no surprise.  So, either something expectedly bad happens, or it something unexpectedly good happens.  Yes, this is what I'll do from now on.  I will set low expectations for myself so as not to be disappointed. 

But...miracles of miracles, as I flipped through my test, hoping, expecting the worst, I saw check marks upon check marks upon check marks.  I was absolutely giddy.  I flipped to the final page to see the grade she bestowed on upon me, Nearly Exemplary.  Oh. My. Gosh.  I really wasn't expecting that.  I might've been expecting a Capable, or even an Accomplished, if I was lucky, but Nearly Exemplary?  Did not see that coming.  At all.  Did you?*  I couldn't believe my eyes!  I flipped through the test again.  And flipped back to the last page.  I still couldn't believe it.  So I flipped back and forth again.  Ahh!  It's real.  I'm not dreaming, or hallucinating!  Gosh...I was so happy!

*I have never gotten Exemplary  before, which is why I was so happy

Then...reality sunk in, and I flipped to the front page again.  X.  My happiness dissipated.  Just like that.  If I had gotten the first question, the easiest question correct, I would have received Exemplary. Now, anguish, fury, and disappointment consumed me, and replaced my giddiness.**  How could I have checked, re-checked, triple checked, my answers, and manage to get the first question, the easiest question wrong?!  How?!  All because of a careless mistake?!  No!  I cannot accept this.***  This takes talent guys.  I f you know your stuff inside out, if you've checked double checked and even triple checked your answers and you still manage to make a careless mistake...GAH!  I have no more words.  I need to go fume in corner.  By myself.  Excuse me. 

**In my defense, I chalk up my careless mistake to my lack of sleep.  Not my stupidity.
***I am furious over this because in term 1, I got 80%.  Term 2, I got 84%.  That's 2% from an A.  If this term, I don't get an A because of that one question, if I'm 1% off from an A, I'm marching into her class and demanding her to bump me up a percent.  I am not joking.  I will scream and cry (mentally, maybe) and I'll show you the biggest mental tantrum you'll ever see.

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