I Am So Very Sorry Hair...So So Sorry...

Here's a post I've been meaning to write for about a month now, so here it is...

Now before I begin the actual post, I have a warning for all of you...while I write the rest of this post, I might possibly switch to the stereotypical "girly girl".  You know the ones, the ones who are always worried about their appearance, and have a heart attack if they happen to chip a small piece of their nail off.  Yes.  Today, I will don that personality, and become a potentially superficial "girly girl".

Aaaah!  I have made THE WORST.  MISTAKE.  OF.  MY.  LIFE!  MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE!  Yes, I've only lived for approximately sixteen years, eleven days, nine hours, twenty minutes, and twenty-nine seconds, but that's besides the point.

My life is over!  Ruined!  Destroyed!  MY HAIR IS UNBELIEVABLE SHORT!  I look like a mushroom now!  I horrible looking mushroom with poofy hair!  Waaaaah!  I need to go cry in a corner someone far from judging eyes, or any eyes.  I need to go wallow in self pity...I will never be able to show myself in public ever again, I will become a hermit, and live under a rock*.  I will give up on all humanely things, and commit myself to a life of solitude.  The world will forget me and all that I stand for...which isn't much...but all the better!  I will...I will...I will...um...where was I going with this again?
*Can girls be hermits?  Do hermits live under rocks?  Oh, wait...

Ah, yes...

I have done the unthinkable, and let a person get close to my hair with a pair of scissors.  Sure, she was probably trained in her profession, but let's be unreasonable and illogical here for a sec, okay?  Clearly, when it came to my hair, she suddenly decided to have an evil agenda, and give me the most hideous haircut of all time. 

My whole family has been pushing me to cut my hair for months, and I've always been saying "no".  In retrospect, I should applaud myself on my intelligence for saying "no".

My mom, especially, has been saying that I looked old, and unfashionable, and all sorts of disorganized with my hair being so long.  And as if that wasn't bad enough, my grandma had to side with her.  In fact, not only did she side with her, she became the leader of the "off with her hair!**" club.  Really?  Really?! Thanks a lot...They both believed my haircut would have had an effect like similar to this...
**Ick, did anyone get the reference to the "off with her head" phrase?  No?  Okay...that was pretty bad word choice though, wasn't it.  It's not like she was going to shave off my hair or anything like that...

C'mon!  I'm not some lego dude who can...do whatever it is that he's doing...

But I beg to differ.  Sure my hair is not like most people, it is...um...poofy.  And at times, a bit unmanageable, but I was managing it just fine.  Sure I never let my hair down in public, it was always in a ponytail, but at least I looked presentable...

 

I could do amazing things with my hair!  Really!  I didn't even need a hair tie, I could wrap a strand of my hair around a pony tail, and voila!  I could also tie a bun by sticking the ends under my bun, no hair tie required!  So, case in point, my hair was amazing when it was long.



 

So...at the scene of this horrific misfortune of mine, I was talking myself into apathy, and unfortunately, succeeded.  I'm actually going to do this, and I am going to look much better by the end of this, I told myself.  I am going to come out of this looking like a person, instead of some rabid animal or a person who has some serious hair issues, and no access to proper cleaning and grooming equipment.  I wanted myself to believe that I would come out looking like this: 

 

But, no.  I was wrong.  After the first snip, I freaked out, like so:

 

 

...and after the 914 snip of the scissors, I reacted accordingly...

 

The final product was...oooh, I can't even say it.  But I will, because I am kind.

The final product was...was...well.  I was not satisfied.  And that's putting it mildly.  It looked like someone had a temper tantrum, and used the nearest machete to chop off my hair in a mad attempt at getting even at...whoever they were mad at. 

 

I am not happy.  NOT HAPPY.  NOT HAPPY I TELL YOU!

I will now have to live with this hair until my hair decides to have mercy on me and grow faster.  I was fervent in my research...how long does it take hair to grow?  How long does it take a sixteen-year-old female's hair to grow?  What can I eat to make my hair grow longer?  How to make your hair appear longer?  How do I find this mystical potion that will grant me everlasting long hair?  How will I find the potato who will give me this coveted potion?  How can I hide the fact that I had a wretched haircut over the weekend?  How do I style my hair so that it looks longer than it actually is?

Okay, so maybe I didn't actually search all those things, because I was too busy wallowing in my bad haircut to care of much else, Google couldn't handle my excessive inquisitiveness anyways...but you get the idea. 

Please bear in mind, that I do not have anything against short hair*, it just happens to look abominably atrocious on me.
*and I suppose to some most people, it's that quite short at all, since it's almost half way down my back, but...still...I'm no used to it being this much shorter, and I refuse to get used to it.  Ha!  Take that, hair!

Suffice to say, I will not be getting a haircut anytime soon...siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh...