Monday, July 4, 2016

A Cringeworthy Interview

Hello everyone!

Yes, yes, I's been a while since I've posted anything.  I know what you're thinking....

Elizabeth!  You're on summer vacation already!  Meaning, you don't have to go to school and complete copious amounts of homework anymore, what's your excuse now, huh?  HUH?

Okay, so maybe that isn't exactly what you were thinking, but it was close enough, yes?  Good. Besides, I DO have an excuse.  I went camping for a few days....and then....summer school.....!

I'll definitely try to write a post of my wretched camping experience as soon as possible, buuut, I
have other things to do, too, you know!  Like....a very delectable friend of mine to love.

So....a few weeks ago...I went for an interview.  And based off the title, I'm sure you can probably guess how it went.  Now, this wouldn't be the first interview I've ever been to, but it was the first individual one I had, the other ones had been group interviews.

I'm guessing I probably shouldn't mention the company...there are probably rules against it or something....oh well.  Some of you will know what company I applied for anyway.

Now, obviously, I WAS NERVOUS.

It was on a Friday, and I rushed there right after school (yes, I'm so behind on my posts, this happened way back in, hush) since my interview was at 3:45, and school ended at 3:03.

Hmm, wait.....I think I'm going to write the rest of this post as a chronological list of the horrendous events that unfolded after I arrived at the place.
  • I reread email telling me which buttons to press on the intercom thing to contact the appropriate department so that they can buzz me in.
  • They "buzzed" me in, only for me to turn around, and find that there was no use for the door because right beside it, there was a huge opening.  I think it was for trucks, but, still!  I had to carefully open the door only to go in and turn around, and find that there was no need.  There was this huge hole in the wall, probably for trucks....and I could have just walked through it instead of trying to figure out if I should push or pull on the door....*sigh*
Well then....after I walked into this large.....building....I tried to find my way to the correct room....which....went uneventful, thankfully.  I opened the door, to find a small area...where a few desks and secretaries were working.  I gave them my name and promptly sat down on the couch nearest to me.  A few seconds later, a lady....maybe 40-ish years old, asked me to follow her into a room nearby.  Okay, peoples, here's where it gets cringe-y.....
  • She asked me to describe the job, and what I thought the responsibilities were.  Okay, so.  I should probably mention that from the second she set her eyes on me, I felt her judging me. And now I now why.  Well, I described the job for her.  I told her that I'd have to stock up candy.  And she asked what else....and I didn't know what else to say.  When I read the job description, all it said was that I had to stock up candy....THERE WASN'T ANYTHING ELSE! And this was the main reason my mom pushed me to apply for this position.  She thought that all I'd have to do is stock up a container every now and then....HA!
    • she was very wrong.  The nice lady regarded me sternly and enlightened me to the actual responsibilities....I was actually required to lift heavy boxes of supplies from delivery trucks....continuously....and these boxes weighed up to 40 lbs.  And then she regarded me yet again, sizing me up, thinking, you're such a small girl, why on earth would you apply for this kind of job?  Are you insane?  Trying to prove yourself?  Or are you just like ever other teenager who carelessly applies for things...?  It's not my fault, okay?!  The website didn't say ANYTHING about having to carry heavy boxes all day....although I wouldn't exactly mind carrying boxes....that actually doesn't seem too bad, I won't have to talk to people much, right?
  • RIGHT!  So, after that, I didn't think it could get any worse, I really didn't.  Unfortunately, I was wrong. It got worse.  The lady spent some time asking me for my information, and my availability times.  She asked what times I could work, and I.....UGH, WHY WAS I SO STUPID, here, here, this is what happened
    • Lady: what times are available?
    • Me: any day at noon 
    • Lady: why?
    • Me: um...because I would have trouble getting here in the mornings....I mean, the afternoons would be preferable, but I rather not have to the mornings.......
    • Lady: why?
    • Me: because I have trouble waking up in the mornings...
    • Lady: *judges me with her eyes* but, you know, if you're applying for a job, this becomes a responsibility.  You are responsible for getting here on time.  
    • Me: ...oh.
    • Lady: and this job requires you to be here early in the mornings, at about 8am, if not, much earlier, before the PNE opens.  Do you understand?
    • Me: (mentally) why, why, WHY wasn't this included in the job description?!  WHY?!!  Who even designed the website?!  This is ridiculous!  Why wasn't this included, it seems quite important to me!  Aaaaarhgtsdwieuyhrukbdmsblasfnoubfkjhdbfuiszkfjhg! *nods*
    • Lady: ....
    • Me: ....
    • Lady: *watches me*
    • Me: *alternates between looking her in the eyes and looking somewhere else*
  • UGH, up, she mentioned if I would be interested in another position, a position where instead of stocking candy, I'd be selling candy.  Now, I considered this job...a...higher paying job, but I didn't choose it because I had to handle money, and I AM NOT comfortable with handling money*.  She asked if I passed the arithmetic test in the interview, and I told her I had no clue.  I mean, I never got my test back, so HOW ON EARTH WOULD I KNOW?!  I think I passed?  I'm preeetty sure I got 100%?  I was addition and subtraction!  Need I remind you what grade I'm in?  Anyhoo....another conversation coming right up....
    • Lady: do you have any cash handling experience?
    • Me:
    • Lady: seriously?  You've never done any bake sales?  You've never handled money?
    • Me: Well, I did some pizza sales a few years, a really long time ago....back in elementary....uh oh.....okay....let's see....I can handle cash, mental math has gotten better over the years....kinda....I would be okay with this....PFFT.....who am I kidding?  I don't think I've even touched cash in.....wait, nevermind...that was yesterday....but, I'm afraid to BUY stuff!  And now I'll be expected to SELL stuff?  ONE THING AT A TIME, PLEASE?!
    • Lady: How many years is a few years ago?  I'm so old, how would I know how many years is a few years ago?
    • Me: Um...*nervously does some mental math* um....okay.....I'm in grade 11 now....I sold some pizzas in grade....3?  Maybe 7?  Um....5!? that'! Okay.....grade more than....5 years ago!  Um...well....I'm in grade 11 now....and it was back in elementary about 5-ish years ago?
    • Lady: ....
    • Me: ....
    • Lady: are you good at mental math?
    • Me: NO!
    • Lady: ....
    • Me: ...

Gosh, how many have you have cringed at least once?  Because I think my face is stuck in this cringing position now, this is horrible!
  • Then, the lady wrote some more stuff on a sheet of paper, and asked if I would be interested in returning to my previous position of sweeping.  And, OHMYGOSH, you have no idea how happy I was to hear that question.
    • Me: YES!  I mean, *clears throat* yes, I would be okay with that.
  • Yes, so, she finished writing some other stuff down, stood up, shook my hand, and invited me to leave.  
Well then!  So there you have it!  Did you cringe?  I certainly did!

And that horrible ordeal felt like a few hours...when really, it wasn't more than 7-ish minutes....but, gawsh, it was the longest seven minutes I hope to ever have to live through.

So.  My takeaway from this experience?


....kidding.  Mostly.
  • I believe I have three takeaways from this experience...before going to an interview, SCOUR THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE for everything you can possibly cram into your brain about this job.  DO NOT depend on the company's website to tell you everything you need to know, because it could very much be missing something.  MANY SOMETHINGS.
  • PREPARE TO WORK IN THE MORNINGS.  And for those of you who HATE waking up early (like me!), walk into that room fully prepared to have to wake up at 4am for your job.  And while you're at it, prepare to be in bed by 8pm, so eat dinner at 4pm.  And, you can count on missing school, too.  Better tell your teachers, and drop out of school, too.  Just in case.  In fact, be fully prepared to completely rearrange your schedule, YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.  Actually, buy a tent, and just camp outside the building, that would be best.
  • And finally, DO NOT BE AFRAID OF MONEY.  Touch it.  It will give you power......!  You must learn to harness the power money can bring you.  Take it in your hand, and let its powers reign over, let it take control of your mind until you become some lunatic billionaire that cares about nothing but money  guide you in your decisions.  You will make it far once you learn to not be afraid of money....
So!  I'm tired.  Reliving that again was such a pain.  Do you see the tremendous sacrifices I go through to share my experiences?

I'm tired.

Worst interview experiences so far?  I doubt it's as bad as mine!
Or you can chastise me for how much I've procrastinated the writing of this post.....that works, too....

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