My Very Special Someone (part 2)

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Hey peoples.

*Hi Gilf!

Guess what this post is about?!

Remember that post I typed.....way back in March?  You know...that super long 8,000-word post that was so long you probably skimmed through most of it......that one post where I said waaaay too much, and....okay...fine.  This post...this post right here.

So!  My Very Special Someone (part 1)!....but...part 2!  How exciting!  I'll try to make this one shorter though, much shorter! 

So...some of you may be wondering what took me so long....and my answer would be procrastination that I needed more time!  This is an...important post, okay?!  And I needed time to make it perfect! 


Oh, and one more reason I put off the typing of this post was that I didn't want to go overboard.  If I had typed this up way back in January...which was the month we first met...I would have rambled on and on and on about everything!  Because it was just so....so.....I can't think of the right word for it...but...I would have rambled on about how he breathed in this peculiar way...how many times he blinked in a minute...the FORBIDDEN picture....useless lists....how his hair was styled...what I considered his nervous actions....EVERYTHING.
*yes, all very BORING stuff, so I'm not going to say anything else about all this.  AND NO, I'm not a creep...or weird....I'm PERFECTLY FINE!
*Gilf, yes....I'm sure YOU would have loved to know all about these things...too bad....because I've forgotten!  COMPLETELY FORGOT ALL ABOUT THESE THINGS.  SORRY!

So.  I waited...and waited...and waited....until only the most important bits remained....you know?

Very smart of me, huh?

This post will...sum up the first meeting I had with...Gilf since working with him....two summers ago. Well....I suppose some of you might think of that one time in October....when he invited me to watch him perform....but I don't! Partly because we didn't actually see each other....or rather...he didn't see me, and was rushing to go somewhere.....so he left me standing all alone on the street...looking utterly crushed.....ANYWAYS!
*I'm pretty sure most if not all of you know who Gilf is by now....but I'm going to keep using it...just...'cause.
*Hope that's okay with you, Gilf?  Or would you rather have everyone (hardly anyone) know your name?!

The first meeting.

Although nothing....super....exciting happened...and....we've definitely had many more meetings since this one....but...I thought it would be....an...important milestone?  I mean.....IT'S THE FIRST TIME I MET HIM OUTSIDE OF WORK, this is important, peoples!

Also...the other meetings were mostly super awesome, and you're not allowed to know about them...so....humph!

So!  Let's begin,

After far too many failed meetings...this was going to be THE ONE.  The one where we actually see each other, that is.  I remember sitting at the back of my mom's car....my leg was bouncing up and down in nervousness...and my mouth also had no filter because I was just rambling .  Rambling about how I was scared he wasn't going to come again....rambling about how I was late....how awkward this was going to be....

When I finally got there....I....hid behind my dad, I think.  And....not too long after, my dad...or maybe it was my sister(?) spotted him!  My dad pushed me forward and....ta da!  I was standing before him! He was there.  In the flesh!  I couldn't believe my eyes!
*said sister also followed me into the library and took a picture of us.  Said she was sent in to make sure we were actually doing work and not...other...imapproporate things

I mean....I guess it's easy enough to try and pretend that whatever happened that summer was nothing more than a temporary friendship...but...meeting him in person.....outside of work....that's...completely different.

So.

My parents introduced themselves to him, and....wow....he introduced himself, too.  Very formally...and it kinda...scared me, a bit?  I want to be comfortable with him, right?  I don't see how that's possible with him being so absurdly formal!  It makes me tense!  Puts me on edge!
*Gilf, you were so great with introducing yourself....when I meet your family...I don't think I'll be able to do nearly as well as you....and...and...I'm scared.

Anyways!

I rarely go to the central library...so I wasn't quite sure how the layout was like....but we managed. We found a seat on some comfy chairs and started to work on the reason of our meeting.

CHEMISTRY.

I don't think I need to tell you how much I failed and therefore, HATED that subject, right?  But in case I do....well.....I've already written about it for you riiiiight....HERE!  Yay!  THANK ME.

So...one of the major reasons why I met him....was to ask him to tutor me in chemistry....HE IS RIDICULOUSLY SMART, I tell you.  HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.  EVERYTHING.

He took chemistry 11 in the summer so he kinda forgot some stuff....but that's okay!  I got to meet him!  At last! And that's what matters anyway, right?

I guess you could also say that my mom wanted me to have more friends...and since she saw that we worked so well together, she thought that he would be a good friend for me....but, my....how things have changed...
*isn't that right, Gilf?

So!  Chemistry.  I had a worksheet to finish...along with some other questions I thought I'd ask him....he helped me with the worksheet...and I suppose I got SOME of what he was saying, which...counts for something, right?  Every little bit helps!  Honestly, I was still very confused....by the end of it....just...less confused.

I think he kinda picked up on my reluctance to nod my head in understanding....so...that's...good, I guess?  He wasn't too sure on some things as well...and had to look through my textbook!  I felt horrible, you know?!  I mean...he was trying his absolute best to help me understand a concept he probably got pretty quickly...but for some reason....there was....some kind of wall that prevented me from having that dreadfully coveted AHA moment.

Anyways.....so...I came...kinda prepared?  I brought paper, worksheets, textbook, pencil case with pencils and erasers and stuff....and....you know what?

I didn't get to use my pencil!

Okay, okay....I know...it doesn't seem like a very big deal to you....but it kinda was for me, at the time. I wanted to use my own pencil because, you know....I'm not afraid of it breaking...or anything like that.  I KNOW my pencil, and I'm not afraid to abuse it. But now, enter this new situation.  He let me use his pencil!  His pencil was probably super awesome, super expensive and high-quality pencil!  I was afraid to break the led!  I was afraid to write too hard!  Do you REALIZE HOW ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED I WAS?!

And so, I tried to write as lightly as I could...and treated his gorgeous pencil with the utmost respect.
*Psst!  You know what?  I actually didn't think his pencil was that good....I mean...maybe that was just me having expectations that were far too high...but....I was kinda disappointed at the lack of awesomeness...

Aaaaanyways!

After we did some more chemistry....and he explained more stuff I sorta got...but didn't really get....we decided to....stop....and...do something else......we toured the library!

It was huge!  Seven floors!  Get excited with me, peoples!
*Okay, granted....I really only like YA fiction....and that really only takes up...a small section of one floor....but, bah!  It's still amazing!

So....um....while we wandered the many marvellous floors of the library, I...uh....noticed a few things.  Firstly, the awkwardness.....the...silence......I mean...as much fun as we had that summer, it was just....different....now that we were together...and alone...

So!  Things that I noticed.....

• I felt inferior, and this happens to be something I often experience when I'm out with...people who aren't my family.  I feel like....I'm just...following them around....following...behind.  It makes sense if I were to follow parents around....if...they know where they're going...and I'm just following them to...wherever they're going....but I just....I DON'T KNOW!  I feel like...a little kid...even when I'm with....people who should be equals.  Yes.  So...to sum up, I felt drastically inferior...because I followed behind him most of the time...

*I did tell him to lead the way.....but still...!

• He had a very...interesting smell, and since it's been....almost a year since I've met him....I can...say without hesitation that I absolutely adore his scent!  It's not some stinky man smell, so don't start thinking that!  But....hmm....it's a....comforting...safe smell....if that makes any sense.  It kinda makes me feel...at ease....or excited...it all really depends, actually.

• He was very tall (still is, actually).  You don't need any more explanation for this, right?  He's exceptionally tall (at least, compared to me, anyway), and I feel exceptionally short.  And this new....discovery makes me wish I were taller even more now!  

Now....some other things...about...myself?! 

• Hugs!  There were hugs!  And I...usually don't get hugged much....hardly ever, actually....the only times I can remember that can even remotely be considered hugging would be when my brother is trying to strangle me!  But yes...I'm usually the hugger...and my sister is the....hugged...besides that....I rarely get hugged....how sad.  Until he came along!  Now I want mooooooore hugs!  Especially from him....only from him....

• Kiss on 7th floor.  Okay, YES!  There was a kiss!  But it was only on the cheek...and it was super fast.  We were on the seventh floor....I was standing near the escalator going down....just kinda absentmindedly staring at nothing...but still aware that Gilf was someone on my right...looking at stuff...and then....I sorta saw him coming towards me...but I didn't think anything of it....but.....all of a sudden....BOOM!  Kidding...nothing exploded, but...it was fast!  He came over, kissed me on the cheek...and half a second later, he was half way down the escalator.  Meanwhile, I was shocked...and....still standing there....but...holding a hand to my right cheek...where he kissed me.

*I forget....were they lockers?  You also kinda warned me that you were going to attempt to kiss me on our next (hopefully) successful meeting, but...honestly....I didn't think you were being serious.

• Avoided eye contact.  So...I have this horrible habit of avoiding eye contact...it's nothing...personal...I'm just uncomfortable.  I promise you, I'm not trying to hide anything (99% of the time).  I remember avoiding eye contact with Gilf a lot...especially during the chemistry session....I would kinda...look at him...while he was explaining stuff and flipping through my book....and then...he would look back at me....and I'd feel embarrassed the abruptly look away.

*yes....sorry, Gilf, if I made you feel bad...or...uncomfortable...or suspicious.  It wasn't my intention at all!  I was just uncomfortbale...still kinda am, actually.

• Played with hair.  Another one I don't think I really need to explain.....I might have twirled a bit of my hair around my fingers...and that might have shown him that I was kinda nervous.  And you know what....that might have been me....unintentionally.....but still intentionally...trying to show that I'm nervous...aaaand I'm not sure where I'm going with this, really.

And now...!  Some things I noticed....or...were forced to notice...near the end of our meeting....

• Checked his watch/phone.  This one didn't only happen near the end...but....it happened more...frequently at the end....I noticed how he would check his phone or watch every now and then...and I surmised that it would only be because of two reasons...none of them were good. 1) he was bored with me, and couldn't wait to leave, or 2) he had to be somewhere else soon, and was worried he'll be late if he stays any longer than he's supposed to, and his mind was somewhere else.  *sigh*  This...troubled me.  If he didn't want to be here with me......I...I....*sigh*

• Too eager to leave?  After I called my dad to come pick me up...and he came....it seemed like Gilf was a little too eager to leave.  He kinda just...left.  *sigh*  I don't need to tell you how I felt about that.

• Mom made me worry...after I was...reunited with my family...and my mom interrogated me about everything that happened...she asked if he mentioned seeing me again.  It only came to me then...that he didn't...and...what that means.  He didn't mention a next time....so maybe...after this...meeting, he decided that whatever interest he saw in me....wasn't there anymore...and that I was either too boring...awkward...or weird for him.  And maybe he was hoping that he could quickly escape and hope I never notice....You see!?  My reasoning makes sense, right?!  How he was eager to leave...?  And constantly checked the time?!  

And here....are some other things that....I have no idea where to put...so....

• My Foochow was pretty?  This was something he mentioned while we were still sitting on the...sofa....cushion....CHAIRS.  I can't exactly remember how we started talking about Foochow (a Chinese dialect that hardly anyone knows, apparently).  I guess...it was...kinda sweet of him to say....but....I don't think it sounds pretty at all....

*waaaait, was it the list?!  Right?  Of stuff that we would do when we met each other?!  Or am I mixing this up with something else?  Do you remember, Gilf?

• Took a picture of me while I called my dad.  I remember him trying to take pictures of me...but I never let him because I look HORRENDOUS in pictures!  I ruin every picture I'm in!  So, I wouldn't let him...but while I called my dad, he took a picture of me...using his phone. I thought he was perusing the shelves!  He was...but....he stopped!  I guess I kinda noticed that he was there....kinda facing me...and maybe taking a picture of me...but....eh.

*I once saw this...couple(?) at Stanley Park...this girl was dressed very prettily...and then there was this guy...set up with all his fancy camera equipment...and...yeah, you know what they were doing!  i thought it was really cool....and wondered if....if....

*..if...maybe if I wasn't so UGLY, I could be in some fancy pictures he takes, too!  He is a wonderful photographer....truly fantastic!

Right!  So...there was one question I thinking in my head....before...during...and after the meeting...before our meeting in January...we talked...a lot, starting in September...and it increased....we shared many magical moments...some...not so magical, but still important moments...and...well....let's just say that we could...hardly could be considered strangers.  Online anyway.

Because, you see....after the summer ended, I made the best decision of my life...to contact him....on Facebook.  And since then, we've been communicating almost daily about....many, many things.  But it was all online.  And we haven't met in person since.

So!  My question...would all our "history" online...transfer over to...real life?  Or maybe only part of it?  Possibly none of it?  And we'd have to start all over?

You see, that's what really worried me....I kinda do have a double personality.  I'm...suuuuuper shy at school....What if he only liked...online me....and didn't like....the shy me?  Or the...non-online me?  I'm not sure which is the REAL me...maybe she died a long time ago...but....I didn't feel comfortable...knowing that he doesn't know all different sides of me...or at least...the two...or three major sides of me.

 *Hey Gilf, one last message to you before I end off this post.  I noted this down a while ago, so I thought, "sure, I'll add it"
"Gilf, as a girlfriend...I don't ask you to spend your money on me at all...all I ask of you is your time"
Blech....that sounds really....really...what's the work I'm looking for here....?

Okay!  I think that concludes this post!  And now you know a bunch of kinda personal things that happened to me, because I couldn't keep my mouth shut control my fingers!  

*hey guys!  Did you know that this giant....humongous post is seven pages long when I transferred it to a word document?!  Amazing, isn't it?!  How much gibberish I can spout on Gilf...?

 Hmm....what do I wonder...tell me something kinda personal about yourself?